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People Skills: Projecting the Right Stuff

By Christine Corelli
The "Sales-Service Excellence" Expert

This article has been published in Expert Magazine

You've heard a great deal about the importance of knowing how to establish and develop strong relationships in business. But no matter how often you may have heard it, it warrants reinforcement, as it's critical to your success no matter what job, position, or title you hold.

For example, if you're in sales, you've likely read or heard more than once that "Selling is all about building relationships." And, if you're in a leadership position, you may have participated in leadership training where you learned that "A good leader is someone who knows where they're going. A GREAT leader is able to influence others to go WITH them." You've learned that, on a day-to-day basis, you must strive to gain respect from others to build strong relationships f you want to be able to influence people to follow your lead.

Whatever position you hold, it's a given that you need to be able to build relationships if you want to get positive results with people. Here's what it takes: Highly effective interpersonal and communication skills. And, if you possess what I call the "Like Factor" (you are well-liked by others) you'll definitely have an edge. But you also need to be sure that you project the "right stuff," i.e. that your words, phrases, and actions reveal admirable qualities and thus, will project a positive image to others.

To establish and build strong relationships, always choose your words carefully. And, as you act and interact, be sure you are projecting the following:

- Self-assurance - You need to come-across as completely self-assured if you want to gain support, win new accounts, or influence your team. This is a vital quality to you must project. Getting others to believe in you begins with believing in yourself. Be sure your self-assurance never comes across as arrogance, but does come across as confidence.

- Humility - This is a good companion to self-assurance. While you want to project a feeling of confidence; you also need project humility and honesty. When you do, you will project that you do not see yourself as being superior to others.

- Certainty - You must demonstrate honest belief in your ideas, facts or concepts. Being steadfast builds acceptance. Be sure to refrain from dodging tough questions, or responding evasively when people ask questions regarding important matters. If you are uncertain about something, state that you'll find out the facts and get back to them. If there's a decision that must be made, and you need to think about it, state that you'll give it thought, and get back to them. Then, when you communicate your decision, project the self-assurance others need to hear from you.

- Consideration - Demonstrate consideration for others. (How would this person/people feel if I say/do this?) Projecting consideration will draw people closer to you and help gain their respect. Whenever possible, involve others in your decisions to demonstrate your respect and consideration for their ideas. This is vital to building strong relationships.

- Integrity - Without integrity, you will never convince anyone that you are going to do what you say you are going to do. The old adages, "walking your talk," "practicing what you preach" "doing unto others," are all play a strong part in projecting integrity. Be sure to resist any temptation to "stretch the truth," "tell a little white lie," or omit facts that may be inconvenient to mention just to win people over. Refrain from "badmouthing" anyone or you may come across as unprofessional.

- Inspiration - If you can inspire people and project a positive attitude, people will gain energy from you and enjoy hearing from you. You don't need to deliver rousing speeches, you simply need to display a positive attitude, be optimistic, and reinforce others to bring out the best in them. Ultimately, you'll win them over.

- Empathy - Empathy goes beyond compassion. Here's the difference: Compassion is the ability to feel the way others feel. Empathy is having the ability to put yourself in another person's situation, experience their feelings and emotions, and project it to them.

- Credibility - Use language that projects your credibility. If you do not, people will doubt you. Keep this in mind too: a "title" does not necessarily provide you with credibility in the eyes of others. It must be earned.

- Vigor - If you project vigor you will be able to release your energy to others, fuel action and endeavor, and positive reactions from people. Being in the same room with you should provide positive energy into others. You don't have to change your personality to do this. If your nature is "laid-back," simply reinforce, appreciate and applaud the thoughts and ideas of others.

- Trust -The most important ingredient of any relationship- whether it is business or personal-is a shared sense of trust. You will never be able to establish or develop any relationship without it, for trust is the foundation for reliability, dependability, and good faith.

- Honesty - This is critical to developing a relationship. When things go wrong or a problem occurs, honesty is always the best policy. In fact, if a problem occurs and you solve it the right way, it can make the relationship stronger. If you make a mistake, own up to it, or you'll lose face. Apologize sincerely and hopefully, the person will be understanding and accepting. Without honesty, there can be no trust.

Remember, you can improve your "people skills" build better relationships within and outside your organization, (and in your personal life too!) if you have a constant awareness that in every interaction your words, phrases and actions are projecting the "Right Stuff."

© Copyright, 2003, Christine Corelli & Associates, Inc.